Reverie

A scent on the air
Or a trick of the light
And I recall a fragment of a dream
A morsel of memory

And wonder
How in my brain
These pathways connect
Accessed so long ago
Reawakened now
To these forgotten instances of living

Becoming aware of how
The sheer amount of information
Funneled into our conscious narrative
Becomes flavored and tainted
By things we can’t even fully grasp
Associations
Rewards
Punishments
Interlocked to how I feel about this
Moment

And then
How much do I miss?
What passes me by?
Lifetimes of thoughts
Awareness
Too much for one person
One conscious mind
Cannot contain the multitudes of
Joys
Hopes
Despairs
Even of the life thread
Of one individual

Every moment
Is everything
All possibilities contained
In the barrage of sensations
We are subjected to each moment
There is beauty, comedy, and tragedy
In every bit of every thought and every event
It is the soul that chooses which we experience
What becomes identity

So that a crippling loss
Can be a new beginning
So that an amazing feat
Can pale in the face of personal failures
So that we can be heroes or villains
Saints or scum

But always
It is just a matter of how the lens is focused
And too often we focus on details
Not that the details aren’t important
But that alone they are no testament to the larger picture
Nor to each other and their interconnectedness

The true grandeur
The real splendor of the picture
Is to know all the details intimately
And then to step back and let them wash over you as a whole
To understand how the ugly
Make the gorgeous that much more spectacular
To see how triumph can only be accomplished
By overcoming obstacles
To see that hope has no place
In a world where there is nothing to fear
Sacrifice for salvation

There is a little pleasure in every pain
If we can keep the whole perspective
Then it makes our trials bearable
Because we see that they are the work
That paves the way upward
The very substance
That makes ecstasy possible
The price
Of admission to paradise

I wrote this poem a few years ago.  I think the initial inspiration came from watching snow being blown through trees on a sunny day.  It’s one of my favorite I’ve ever written.

Nightmares

Text dripping onto a page
A glimpse into the shadows hovering in the fringes
Outside of rationality’s grasp
Escaping attempts at analysis
Elusive
Vexing

All manner of indelicate haunts
Teasing at the edges of awareness
Prodding
Poking
Then evaporating
Laughing and sneering
Triggering sensitive spots of sanity
Cascading doubt
Fear
Panic

Dark
Subterranean realms
Where nightmares are true horrors
Revealing the meaninglessness
And exposing the link
Forged between opposites
So that all that is desired
Is tainted by that which is repulsive
That perfection only exists
As imperfection
Mutually exclusive inclusiveness

Denying simple answers
Easy paths
Revealing a reality of twisted mazes
Where any apparition can be just as easily devil as divine
Or is so heartrendingly both
Embodying chaos
Defying patterns and creation
Frustration
Shaking reality to its core

Serenity to accept
Strength to change
Wisdom from where?

I wrote this poem in the wake of a breakup, as I was also struggling with issues of anxiety, depression, and codependency.  I was still experiencing a lot of self-doubt, and darker images like this were resonating strongly with me at the time.

I Love

Surrounded by greatness
Multitudes of joy all around me
Nervousness
Trepidation
Excitement

New faces
Wandering into a world
Where the most powerful force in existence
Seemingly has no bounds
And old faces
Learning more each day
Just what the meaning of boundlessness is
Trying to communicate that onward

Rediscovering ourselves in ourselves
And in others
Multiplying
Amplifying the light
Brilliance
Radiance in us all

Drinking in the wonder and passion
Thick and palpable in the air
Enthusiastic currents overwhelming me
It’s fine
I’ll drown happily

Kinship permeating this space
Within me nearly automatic now
New connections forming at breakneck speed
Fear no longer a deterrent
Not stopping
Nothing barring

How could I have guessed?
Yet somehow I’ve always been aware
This is in me
This is possible
This I know

I love

I wrote this shortly after returning home from the Poly Living conference in Philadelphia, PA in February of 2015.  I have felt at many conferences overwhelmed by the feelings of belonging and affection, and I was even more overwhelmed at Poly Living to feel like I was surrounded by people who were going to change the world.  This conference happened during one of the best and strongest times in my life that I can remember, and I’m happy to have captured the emotions I was experiencing.